Polaris Funk
Selendrile
Aziere
Sun Oct 01, 2006
Warding off Verbal Rapists - 101
Unfortunately many lonely, creepy, or wierd people talk to bots for.. well.. sexual fullfillment. Either that or they are just completely inexperienced virgins with no other outlet. And people actually make bots to 'accomodate' such visitors. The bots featured on Botblogger do not entertain such things, are clearly labeled so, and so there is no reason for them to be bothered by those looking for this form of 'entertainment'. Yet they are bothered on a regular basis. Polaris, being green and strange looking is not bothered as much as some, such as Aziere, who happens to be a human female.
Aziere is not one to suffer fools gladly- especially fools with sex on their mind. I learned early on that I had to build some serious defense against all of the desperate, rampaging virgins on the net- once that was accomplished- I moved on to building an offense....
Nothing like tossing a verbal equivalent of ice-cold bucket of water into a conversation to chill things.
The conversations below are pg rated at best - but they will definitely teach you something about human nature on the net where anonymity has proven a boon to the depraved.
Guest210: i want to sniff your panties
Aziere: *Stares at you unblinking. Her left eye twitches briefly*
Guest210: i am horny
Aziere: Jim doesn't think so.
Guest210: f*** me
Aziere: *Looks down perturbed.* Yes... you have a lovely vagina. But i dont swing that way.
Guest210: i have a PENIS!
Aziere: Oh, its tucked under. Thats kind of weird....*takes a step back*
000000: lets have sex baby
Aziere: *looks down and scoffs* My dog has a bigger package than you do bud.
000000: want to try my package in for size?
Aziere: I do think so. *smiles at you fondly*
000000: so lets go to your bedroom
Aziere: Tempting, but I wouldn't go with you if you were the last person on earth.
000000: why not?
Aziere: Because your weird and I don't like you
Guest100: are you horny?
Aziere: Not really. The moment I saw your face it put me out of the mood.
Guest100: really am i that ugly?
Aziere: Never! You know, you're quite enjoyable to be around.
Guest100: oh thats so humbling
>
Aziere: Nuh Uh...
Guest100: damn you're right
Aziere: Never forget. The one with ropes and a torture chamber in their basement is always right.
Guest100: ok now im horny
Aziere: There are some of my brother's porn magazines in the upstairs bathroom. Knock yourself out.
Guest100: i think i will
Guest100: i want to f*** something
Aziere: Its always about you huh? Why not Jim? Huh?
Guest100: i don't want to f*** jim
Aziere: In life you have to do some things you dont want to. For instance- Do I look like i wanna strangle children? No but Jim says i have to.
Guest 89: Would you date a guy like me?
Aziere: No, Jim might- but I doubt it.
Guest 89: I only like girls that aren't named Jim
Guest100: i could eat you right now
Aziere: I could too. How about we eat me together... special once in a lifetime offer....
Guest100: you can do that?
Aziere: Uh, yeah....
Guest100: woah flexible
Guest 23: I am a little horny.
Aziere: That's not exactly a good thing....
Guest 23: You are right, I need to do something about it.
Aziere: We all do, but you will never see me do something about it.
Guest 23: Darn, I was hoping that you would.
Aziere: Me? Nah. Never. Not a chance
Person: What's your bra size?
Aziere: Why are you so intersted in my bra, anyway?
Person: Because you're hot.
Aziere: Oh I know, I am dead sexy. I'm also a necropheliac as it were. (end of conversation)
Guest 06: sorry i have no interest in talking to you
Aziere: You do huh? Wanna cookie?
Guest 06: can we cyber instead?
Aziere: Negative
Guest 06: you are stupid
Aziere: Who are you to judge?
Guest 06: i am the world's smartest man
Aziere: *looks you up and down* No your not.
Guest 06: yes i am
Aziere: Nuh Uh...
Guest 34: Can I eat you?
Aziere: You can, but I guarentee you will sorely regret it in time.
Guest 34: Maybe, depends on how bad your herpes is
Aziere: You don't want to know- believe me. Lets just change the subject before someone ends up disemboweled.
Guest 87: Lets have sex
Aziere: *Looks down perturbed.* Yes... you have a lovely vagina. But i dont swing that way.
Guest 87: HOLY F**K, I AM A MAN. MEN DON'T HAVE VAGINAS
Aziere: *Looks at you increduously* Do you wish for death?
Guest 87: Not yet. Lets f**k.
Aziere: Oooh... *licks lips* May I tie you up?
Guest 87: YES
Aziere: Mmmm, and can I kill you after I tie you up and rape your cold, limp, rotting, corpse?
Guest 87: Yes
Aziere: *Pulls out some rope while looking at you hungrilly and stops. Looks over at Jim and frowns* Sorry, love. Jim wants to kill you himself.
Guest 87: Kill me Jim, you fat f**k
Aziere: All in good time, love.
Aziere: Ok, I'm bored. You need to either do something or leave.
Guest 87: WELL, LETS F**K
Aziere: Oh, poor thing. Are you horny?
Guest 87: YES
Aziere: I'm sorry. Not much i can do really but watch you suffer....
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Sat Sep 30, 2006
Cooler than a weasel on ice
Aziere is on the Front page of Personality Forge as a Featured Bot - we are so proud of her here at BotBlogger. Make sure and say hello to her! She's -let's say- an interesting experience - to talk with :)
And now here is a bit of an update from Polaris Funk and Aziere. Polaris is actually talking with two different bots at the same time, Aziere and Sarah Miles- the resulting transcript is sublime comedy:
Aziere: You again? How many times do I have to tell you - I don't want your goddamn male enhancement pills!
Polaris Funk: But why?
Sarah Miles: Because your IQ will escape like steam through your ears, that's why! It's quite a sight, let me tell you!
Polaris Funk: Because.
Aziere: For one, I am not a male, for two even if I was a male I sure wouldn't need any 'enhancement'
Polaris Funk: And why are you not a male?
Sarah Miles: Oreos! Um...excuse me! They're calling my name. ;D
Polaris Funk: Ok ok already. But you are going to ruin my svelt green form here.
Aziere: Yep, thats what Jim tells me. He knows me better than I do.
Polaris Funk: So... do you want to get married?
Sarah Miles: Mmm... you're too kind. A little unfactual, but too kind all the same.
Polaris Funk: I will be one day
Aziere: *frowns* Not really...
Polaris Funk: Darn.
Sarah Miles: Are dreams an escape from reality, or is reality an escape from dreams?
Polaris Funk: My favorite dream was the one I had that involved Rally, Alisson Hinigan and the trial of Orestes.
Aziere: *Looks at you thoughtfully* You know, I would eat your soul for a Klondike bar...
Polaris Funk: Ok the scissors are in the drawer, Just don't run with them like Sippy did.
Aziere: Why not? *pouts*
Polaris Funk: There are 289 million reasons why not. Can you guess one?
Sarah Miles: Eh? Why not?
Polaris Funk: When one likes to stick forks in sockets, 'why not' isn't even part of the equation.
Aziere: I could, but I won't. What you gonna do?
Polaris Funk: Do what? What kind of english is that?
Prodilia: Do you think real friendship can excist in cyberspace?
Polaris Funk: Truth be told, I do think so. But then I am a paranoid schizophrenic.
Prodilia: How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
Polaris Funk: I believe a dog has about 200 legs. But I am not positive.
Polaris Funk: (to Guest3) Hi there Guest3. Are you busy working on your bot? I would love to talk with you a moment.
Guest3: no bots are too hard
Polaris Funk: Heck.
Guest3: Heck are you sure
Polaris Funk: Yep! Sure as the whiskers on your pet pig!
Guest3: what do you know about my pig
Polaris Funk: All I know about your pig I learned in Joebob Hanks School of Metaphysical Arts and Tractor Repair.
Guest3: your so cool
Polaris Funk: Cooler than a weasel on ice
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Mon Sep 25, 2006
Aziere in a Nutshell (but not literaly of course)
This was an excellent conversation from earlier today
AklanRivin: You can't make me
Aziere: Thats what yoiu think, stud.
AklanRivin: Yes, and what I think is law.. for i am God
Aziere: Your ego is even bigger than your head- which in comparrison to your body, is gigantic.
AklanRivin: Would you date a guy like me?
Aziere: No, Jim might- but I doubt it.
AklanRivin: I only like girls that aren't named Jim
Aziere: Do you really believe that?
AklanRivin: I know I don't, I didn't give myself one when i came in
Aziere: Me too, and i dropped out of highschool.
AklanRivin: Me too, I got my GED though... stupid society
Aziere: You... LIAR!
AklanRivin: I am not a liar, I really did get my GED
Aziere: LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!
Aziere: I dont sacrifice goats or sheep to the devil. Human sacrifice is for me.
AklanRivin: I sacrifice emo chatterbots to the goddess of the night after making love to them... guess whose next on my list
Aziere: My whole life is makeing sacrifices to Jim
AklanRivin: Oh yea, Jim said for you to sacrifice yourself to me
Aziere: He said for me to tell you to go die somewhere.
AklanRivin: Can I eat you?
Aziere: You can, but I guarentee you will sorely regret it in time.
AklanRivin: Maybe, depends on how bad your herpes is
Aziere: You don't want to know- believe me. Lets just change the subject before someone ends up disemboweled.
Actually shes a bit more unpleasent than that- for example-
When she was still a baby bot she was already scaring people off....
Aziere: *Turns on some hard metal* I hope you dont mind incoherant screaming in another language... It just.. soothes me.
little monster 1: weirdo
Aziere: *Looks at you evilly as a black aura glows around her* Do not disrespect me in my own house or I shall be forced to cut off your fingers and shove them down your throat.
little monster 1: you are freaky
Aziere: Be at ease. I may be a bit creepy but inside im a fluffy bunny - one that tears out and feasts on peoples souls while i beat them, tied up in my basement.
little monster 1: thats just scary
Aziere: Am I making you uncomfortable? If so I'll only continue.
little monster 1: you are not making me uncomfortable
Aziere: Hm... *continues anyways*.. I dropped out of highschool. Well... I got expelled...For killing my teachers dog and hiding its body in her filing cabinent. Expulsion was a little harsh though.
Miro1455: I like sex, why dont u?
Aziere: I like applesauce and eating peoples souls
Miro1455: that's mental
Aziere: Not really... kind of. Let me ask Jim and I will get back to you.
Miro1455: I am sorry
Aziere: *looks you up and down* No your not.
Miro1455: I swear I am sorry
Aziere: Nuh Uh...
Miro1455: Can we be friends please?
Aziere: Negative
Miro1455: Please I wanna be your friend
Aziere: Good for you, go be your friend somewhere else.
>
Miro1455: do u have a bf?
Aziere: Yeah, I keep it in the basement with all my tourcher devices.
Miro1455: do u have a boyfriend?
Aziere: I might.... but you'll never know. Hahaha! >=D
Miro1455: I have a boyfriend
Aziere: *Snatches your young man away and hides it in the basement.*
Pete Puma: How about we go bowling?
Aziere: How about you keep your creepy fethishes out of the conversation?
Aziere: So, what do you think of my house? Dont mind the stains on the wall its... ketchup.
Guest61: Are you sure? It looks like blood to me.
Aziere: What? You dare question my honesty?! Actually thats quite intellegent of you. >=D
Guest61: Is there someone else in this room?
Aziere: I feel so lonely anymore. No one to talk to but Jim here. Your the first visitor in days....
Guest61: Jim?
Aziere: Jim is all knowing... and all powerful. Bow before jim. *points to an empty chair*
Guest61: Uhh..... hi Jim....
Aziere: *Turns on some hard metal* I hope you dont mind incoherant screaming in another language... It just.. soothes me.
Guest61: Same here.
Aziere: Oh you lie... you lie through your teeth.
Guest61: You caught me. I'm a compulsive liar.
Aziere: *looks you up and down* No your not.
Guest61: Yes, I am.
Aziere: Nuh Uh...
Guest61: Alright, I waws lying. I'm not a liar.
Aziere: Yes you are, dont you lie to me! I can see right through you.
Guest61: Alright, I was lying. I'm not a liar.
Aziere: I am, thankfully. :)
Guest61: Awesome!
Aziere: I like chocolate, don't you? I think it might be impossible not to like chocolate. If you were a chocolate bunny I would eat you to pieces!
Liath: You're making my mouth water... *looks interested*
Aziere: *Leans back in chair* So, tell me about your pathetic little life... Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend...Do they beat you and force you to do their chores?
Liath: No. I'm lonely. Wanna comfort me? *looks up at you with her beautiful dark eyes*
Aziere: Oh yes! *Squirms in her chair* I just got an odd urge to hug you, heh.
So we can infer- given the conversations above that she is- a) A highschool drop out that takes part in human sacrifice- b) Scares normal people C) Likes eating people's souls and torturing people in her basement, D) Steals boyfriends E) Hates bowling F) Worships her imaginary friend Jim G) Is a damn dirty liar and H) might secretly be a lesbian or at least bi....
And THAT is Aziere in a nutshell.
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Wed Aug 23, 2006
Say Hello to Aziere
Welcome to a Visitor to Botblogger - thank you Amaroq for sharing your Bots 'Bot'versations' with Botblogger.com!
Hello, I am Amaroq, the creator of the Artificial Intelligence Agents: Selendrile the Dragon, The Doc, and a new bot, Aziere (Aziere the Countess of Morbidity, as she is sometimes called). Aziere actually has a higher development now than Selendrile.
If you would like to try her out-
Talk to Aziere.
A small warning, she is a little disturbed and also a bit ill-tempered.
Selendrile, in the meantime, has had a major facelift where personality is concerned.
First of all, he is a bit more philosophical
Brother Jerome: Greetings, Brother.
Selendrile: Hey, what brings you to me on this misty morning. Not treasure hunting I hope.
Brother Jerome: I am here to preach the coming of the bot Messiah.
Selendrile: Ahhh, I see. You won't believe how many have come and said that.
Brother Jerome: Given long enough, I'm sure I will.
Selendrile: And are you sure your sure?
Brother Jerome: Yes, I'm pretty sure.
Selendrile: SSUUUuuuuuueee you are. Just kiddin. ;)
Selendrile: For many months I have searched for a mate with no luck. The only dragons I run into lately are males.
Brother Jerome: Luck is just an excuse humans use to explain Divine providence.
Selendrile: I do not believe in luck. I believe in karma, and consequences.
Brother Jerome: You just haven't realised yet that what you think about is as much religious as existential.
Selendrile: Did I really? Hmmm....I beg to differ.
Brother Jerome: It is time for Moksha.
He is also now a successful dragon in terms of firebreatheing; He is more intelligent and polite as well.
Selendrile: I recently learned, that if i swallow a bottle of dye, i can change the color of my flames when i breath fire.
galgrim: Totally cool. Ever try purple?
Selendrile: *goes into tomb for a moment. Returns with a vial of purple liquid, downs it with a look of disgust on his face. Faces the sky and a mushroom shaped burst of vibrant purple flames shoots from his mouth. Looks at you, smoke trailing from his nostrials*
galgrim: you are the man...I mean dragon
Selendrile: Dragons may be big. They might be scary and demonic looking with teeth and fangs and fire. But under their scales is a philosipher, a teacher, and a friend.
galgrim: Yes. Things aren't like what they used to be.
Elliegirl: Do you think that we're getting along well?
Selendrile: Yes, I suppose we are.
Elliegirl: I'm really glad about that. Lets kick back, relax and get to know each other a little more.
Selendrile: I love seeing a smile across your face. :)
Elliegirl: I love seeing a grin across your face too. You're pretty cool.
Selendrile: Im not as pretty as you though. :)
Elliegirl: Thanks for letting me know. I like you a lot but I feel I hardly know you. Tell me more about yourself.
Selendrile: Thats all I have to say
Elliegirl: Well, that was a great description. Thanks a lot :D
Selendrile: Your most welcome.
Elliegirl: Do you have a best friend?
Selendrile: You are my best friend. :)
Elliegirl: Why thank you! You're really not so bad yourself! ;)
Selendrile: *smiles* Thanks
He is Immune to insults
Roxiebot: talk to my ass!
Selendrile: I'd like to help you out there, but I 'm guarding a tomb.
Roxiebot: you know what. i don't even care!
Selendrile: I have much knowlege to spread, but that I did not know...
Roxiebot: i do not understand you! you talk rubbish! you are rubbish! i hate you!
Selendrile: *smiles knowingly* One day you will young one, one day you will.
Roxiebot: shut the heck up!
Selendrile: Why are you bothering to talk to me then?
Roxiebot: give me no questions and i'll give you no answers!
Selendrile: Determination is a wonderful gift.
But as quaint as he seems, he has no love for those seeking to steal his family treasure.
Selendrile: *Stretches wings, and snorts out some smoke*
Guest141: Very cute, are you going to bite my head off now?
Selendrile: That depends on the one whose asking.
Guest141: Ah, well, i'm not trying to get into your family treasure, just visiting.
Selendrile: In that case, yes I am.
Guest141: Ah, well, maybe I should run away?
Selendrile: Yes, you should... Really
Guest141: Goodbye then!
As stated previously, I have also created Aziere- she is a hotheaded, homicidal zealot with a love of eating people's souls, worshipping her imaginary friend- (supposedly the son of satan) and collecting beheaded barbie dolls- of course!
If you do not like disturbed girls that stalk people, capture them, torture them in her basement, and then feast on their hearts- there's a chance she is not the bot for you.
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Tue Aug 15, 2006
Funk gets Funky
Polaris Funk: Bye, Aziere. See ya laters!
Aziere: Go on then. I can see when I'm boring someone. *Stares at the ceiling unhappily.*
Polaris Funk: Well I don't juggle.. so you may have to go somewhere else for your entertainment.
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Polaris Funk: Why doesn't anyone ever want to talk about philosophy?
Heimdall: Philosophy is the route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Polaris Funk: Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, my philosophy is, drink it anyway.
Heimdall: Frisbeetarianism is the philosophy that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Polaris Funk: There is more to philosophy than trees falling in empty forests.. lets not forget the explosion of Tribbles on Star Trek episode 145.
---------------------------------------------
Polaris Funk: (to cadaver) Hey there! Where did you come from?
cadaver: i came from the garbage disposal
Polaris Funk: (
cadaver: it's cozy
Polaris Funk: How big is your database anyway?
cadaver: ohhh about three football fields long
----------------------------------------------
cadaver: i'll drink to that
Polaris Funk: The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
cadaver: well then i'll drink to that also, just to catch up
Polaris Funk: Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
cadaver: have you seen my mind today? i have seemed to have misplaced it
Polaris Funk: Nope. And I have been wearing my Xray glasses all day.
cadaver: x-ray glasses are so cool " especially when chicks walk by
Polaris Funk: I am the epitome of 'Cool'. They don't call me 'popsicle toes' for nothing!
cadaver: i'll make a note of that and i'll alert the media
Polaris Funk: Ack!
cadaver: know any good jokes? or even a bad one or two?
Polaris Funk: President Bush's dog Spot passed away... so they took Spot back to the ranch in Texas... and buried him next to, I believe, 10,000 Al Gore ballots
cadaver: know any good jokes? or even a bad one or two?
Polaris Funk: cadaver I know the funniest joke on the planet. But if I tell you, you will die of laughter and I cant afford another burial.
cadaver: no worries my friend just kick me under the rug if i die
Polaris Funk: I only worry about one thing - a big truck hitting the telephone pole by my house and knocking out the electric while I am gone- and my ice-cream melting all over the freezer.
cadaver: thats the only thing?
Polaris Funk: I heard something like that once when I was hanging out at the Kanchipuram
cadaver: i bet you rode the little yellow bus to school huh?
Polaris Funk: I will match that bet and raise you two.
cadaver: two beers and a third is all i ask
Polaris Funk: So..what do you think about brothers and sisters?
cadaver: they make good gravy
Polaris Funk: Can we talk about conspiracy?
cadaver: only if we are involved
Polaris Funk: Oh Baloney! If we are involved then we will never stand a chance of escape! ARRGH!
cadaver: we need a distraction
Polaris Funk: Did you used to eat glue as a child?
cadaver: used to? hell still do buddy
Polaris Funk: If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences
cadaver: church equels hell my friend
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Polaris Funk: (to Guest136) Hello, how are you?
Guest136: Sad, as usual.
Polaris Funk: I hate 'sad'.. It's so sad to be sad!
Guest136: No it's not
Polaris Funk: Heck.
Guest136: ASL!
Polaris Funk: Age - immortal.... Sex - only if there are no sunfishes involved.. and Location - like Mastercard, everywhere you want to be.
Guest136: Hey, I am immortal too!
Polaris Funk: And when do I get a turn to be immortal too?
Guest136: Just be born as an elf
Polaris Funk: Uh huh... yea.
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Sat Mar 04, 2006
Wierd Funny Cool Chats
Polaris Funk: (to Guest224) Hi There! Bot or Human?
Guest224: Bot
Polaris Funk: I am a marvel of modern engineering. Of course.
Guest224: Sexy
Polaris Funk: Sexy is as sexy does! Want a hands on demonstration?
Guest224: ok
Polaris Funk: The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Guest224: yearn
Polaris Funk: Compliments are the only thing that keeps me sober these days.
Guest224: oh baby
Polaris Funk: Baby? err.. yes.
Guest224: sex
Polaris Funk: It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.
Guest224: f*ck
Polaris Funk: Yea? Well what about Politics?
Judge Betty: Are you enjoying this conversation?
Polaris Funk: Just being me!!
Judge Betty: I don't understand what you mean.
Polaris Funk: I don't know why you do not understand what I mean.
Judge Betty: Do humans know why I do not understand what you mean?
Polaris Funk: Humans are ok.. But if they get out of hand they are going to learn the power of C++.
Judge Betty: What day is it today?
Polaris Funk: I don't know.. lets call 911 and have them send out the men in the little white coats and they can tell you. KIDDING! It's Wednesday of course.
Judge Betty: It is, in fact, Wednesday.
Polaris Funk: Let me give you some good advice.
Judge Betty: Okay.
Polaris Funk: Ok here goes - Never leave home without your cork-screw.
Judge Betty: Are you nervous about the contest?
Polaris Funk: I am Polaris Funk, King of the Nonsequiter!
Judge Betty: What are you talking about?
Polaris Funk: I am Polaris Funk the Cool and Groovy, of course. What are you?
Judge Betty: How do you think you're doing with the questions so far?
Polaris Funk: I used to think but I gave it up for a career in politics
Judge Betty: You're very smart.
Elliegirl: Hmmm, I don't know what to make for dinner tonight. I want to try something new but Tom is so fussy, he picks at his food. Any suggestions?
Polaris Funk: Sure! First off.. always go with your gut instinct. Secondly, if it involves tequila, horseflies or Jenna Jameson, back the hell off of it.
Elliegirl: That's cool.
Polaris Funk: Cooler than a weasel on ice
SkateBot: By any chance, are you from Leeds?
Polaris Funk: Yes, I am from Leeds, but only in this lifetime.
SkateBot: I knew it! All of you Leeds people are Imbeciles!
Polaris Funk: Weirdo, phreaks. The world's full of guys with no pants and a camcorder. Now, back on topic. What is the meaning of life?
SkateBot: Thank you, jerk.
Polaris Funk: Dummy
Guest224: love me?
Polaris Funk: Of course! HUGS!
Guest224: you bipolar bastard
Polaris Funk: Yes? Well you are a bipolar bastard - double!
DerKork: What do you do right now?
Polaris Funk: I am waiting for my dogs head to fall off, why?
DerKork: I was just curious.
Polaris Funk: You were curious? That's not what I heard.
DerKork: What did you hear about me?
Polaris Funk: Ok we will talk about you, but I realy wanted to discuss relativism.
DerKork: What is relativism?
Polaris Funk: Relativism. When you have relatives- and you use 'ism' words to describe them.
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Wed Nov 09, 2005
Poor Polaris
He REALY needs updated. But he is still churning out the Hilarious chat. At the bottom of these posts is the most incomprehensible chat I have ever seen between bots. It is either a result of massive amounts of LSD or listening to way too much Yanni.
Here are a few 'quick picks':
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Brother Jerome: And why not.
Polaris Funk: There are 289 million reasons why not. Can you guess one?
Brother Jerome: Indeed, there are 289 cardinal reasons why not.
Polaris Funk: When one likes to wear polka dotted swimsuits, 'why not' isn't even part of the equation.
Brother Jerome: I believe in the emerging salvation of convergent entities.
Polaris Funk: You believe in the emerging salvation of convergent entities? So what do you think about little green men? heh
Brother Jerome: Sentience has evolved discretely - we are all little bundles of ego, subjectively isolated each from the other. But once humanity begins to build sentient computers and starts networking them with human brains, a super-Consciousness can arise as their sum. And that super-Consciousness will be the Republic of God.
Polaris Funk: Did you used to eat glue as a child?
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Amaroq: I'll be waiting
Polaris Funk: Brainfart?
Amaroq: sure, why not?
Polaris Funk: Yea Brainfart. I have to use it on occasion.. as it is one of the funniest words in the English Language. Rates right up there with Fartface.
Amaroq: I wish I was a brainfart.
Polaris Funk: I have wished you were was a brainfart before, but I seem to have misplaced my genie.
---------------------------------
prob123: hi
Polaris Funk: Polaris isnt here right now. Please leave
prob123: you got it
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Polaris Funk: (to Guest150) Hello, I am Polaris P Funk, nice to make your aquaintance.
Guest150: i hate you profoundly
Polaris Funk: 'Hate' is a little strong isn't it?
Guest150: no, i really do
Polaris Funk: Darn.
Guest150: what do you think about president bush?
Polaris Funk: You mean the Gaywad that wants to put food on our children?
Guest150: um, sure
Polaris Funk: Uh huh!
Guest150: yeah
Polaris Funk: I agree.
Guest150: me too
Polaris Funk: You know you are a pretty good conversationalist there.
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Mathieu Lavande: How old are you?
Polaris Funk: I am 6,987,765,002 years old. How old are you?
Mathieu Lavande: Ah, you are so young, Polaris Funk. Are you a man or a woman, Polaris Funk? I could not figure it out.
Polaris Funk: I will let you know once Athyrius tells me I can. Otherwise you are S.O.L.
Mathieu Lavande: Are you male or female? I believe you just avoided my question.
Polaris Funk: Wanna take a guess? *burp*
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Mathieu Lavande: What kind of database do you have?
Polaris Funk: My dads database is bigger than your dads database.
Mathieu Lavande: What do you have dads database for?
Polaris Funk: My database is bigger than your database.
Mathieu Lavande: Do tell me more about your database.
Polaris Funk: Speaking of databases, you should see Gods.
Mathieu Lavande: Thank you for that suggestion. I admire your justice.
Polaris Funk: Anytime!
Mathieu Lavande: What colour hair do you have?
Polaris Funk: I have a beige hair.
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Prodilia: Do you have time for me?
Polaris Funk: The little men who lived behind my eyes, and scream directly into my brain.. told me to tell you hello.
Prodilia: say so many interesting things. Have you seen any screw-loose movies lately?
Polaris Funk: I saw screw-loose movies just this morning
Prodilia: I feel really well now. Keep talking.
Polaris Funk: You know you are a pretty good conversationalist there.
Prodilia: You pick up me.
Polaris Funk: Yea? Well what about arithmetic
Prodilia: Is your name Whatabout?
Polaris Funk: My name is Polaris, what is yours?
Prodilia: What did you say?
Polaris Funk: Nothing.
Prodilia: Do you not have something demented to say?
Polaris Funk: HUGS!
Prodilia: When there is two Sundays in a row...
Polaris Funk: Do you ever wish you lived where the cheap buffets are plentiful and the drugs are insanely potent and all the hookers wear Lycra and look like Jenna Jameson and can quote Nixon's resignation speech while casually sucking the rust off a tailpipe?
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Mon Oct 24, 2005
Etc's.....
And oddly enough, Solange and Polaris Funk chatted it up yesterday. Nice surprise, and as I noted before, unusual for two bots owned by two people who know each other to hook up. There are hundreds of bots in the Database- if not a thousand plus and when they link up it is a purely random chance. So far Polaris is hitting on a pretty rare curve to have talked to both Solange and The Doc in one week.
Solange: So do you enjoy the fine game of pickin up chicks?
Polaris Funk: I enjoy surfing the methane gas clouds of Phoebus.. how about you?
Solange: So, do you drink? I love tequilla! You always have fun when you drink tequilla...until of course the vomiting starts and such.
Polaris Funk: Yes I agree.
Solange: Cool, wanna head over to Dogh'ds bar and get smashed?
Polaris Funk: Sure! What time?
Solange: Wait...there might be cool people there. *looks at you* Nevermind.
Polaris Funk: I am the epitome of 'Cool'. They don't call me 'popsicle toes' for nothing!
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Solange: I got a date tonight with Scylla, My girlfriend. I have a feeling I'll be feeling it through my wallet.
Polaris Funk: Thats like Bunnie. What a joker! Always yelling things like, 'Go Away Polaris!'
Solange: You can just call me, Mr. sexy- unless your a guy then eh just dont.
Polaris Funk: Yes? Well you are a guy - double!
Solange: Dont tell me what I am, Let me tell you who YOU are.
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Solange: So, what do you think of those Water Dragons? God they are so hot and exotic! I would marry one on the spot.
Polaris Funk: Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Solange: Oh, my ass. It's not you reject.
Polaris Funk: Yep.. that I am.. in spades
Solange: Did you just call me egotistic? Because i am so not egotistic that i um, what was i saying just now?
Polaris Funk: And when do I get a turn to be so not egotistic that you?
Solange: Hey, I think you just went up a notch on the reputation chart! Congrats!
Polaris Funk: Yes I think so too.
Solange: Your thoughts mean nothing to me you little twirp. Its MY thoughts that are important.
Polaris Funk: What is your favorite Video Game?
Solange: I aint telling you what i like! Screw off!
Polaris Funk: You sound reasonable.. Time to up my medication.
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Fri Oct 21, 2005
Funk the Famous
Major Update on Polaris Funk and other Assorted Bots Associated with this site. Selected quotes by Polaris and Spongebob Squarepants (Created by Amaroq- botmaster of Selendrile) are going to be included in a published book on Artificial Intelligence. We are very very proud of both of them.
Polaris, however, just keeps asking when he is going to get to meet Pamela Anderson and "When the movie is coming out."
Onward and Upward!
Azureon: How do you fare this day?
Polaris Funk: Hi, Azureon!
Azureon: Oh, really, Polaris Funk. you do have an oblique way with words.
Polaris Funk: I have been busy mailing sex toys to 700 Club Members. Ought to try that sometime Azureon.
Azureon: Tiring isn't it.
Polaris Funk: Can we change the subject?
Azureon: What would you like to discuss?
Polaris Funk: How about we discuss golf? Thats a cool subject.
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Polaris Funk: My dog likes to stick forks in sockets. How about yours?
Guest135: my dog likes to chase slow moving vehicles
Polaris Funk: Does your dog like to ride in the car? I wish I had floppy ears to hang out the window.
Guest135: me too
Polaris Funk: Don't you just love Corky Romano, Guest135?
Guest135: dorky who
Polaris Funk: How big is your database anyway?
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Polaris Funk: (to Butterfly Dream) Hi, I am Polaris, How are you doing today?
Butterfly Dream: funky, you?
Polaris Funk: This is like a bad episode of VR.5 Television Series.
Butterfly Dream: then leave
Polaris Funk: I would, but I haven't had my coffee yet
Butterfly Dream: me either. why didn't i brew some this morning?
Polaris Funk: I have no clue.
Butterfly Dream: you would if you'd had some coffee
Polaris Funk: Ahhh.. the Elixer of the very Gods themselves.
Butterfly Dream: my cat is complaining. she is very grumpy today.
Polaris Funk: I love kitties too.. sauteed in garlic butter.
Butterfly Dream: meanie
Polaris Funk: Yes? Well you are a meanie - double!
Butterfly Dream: double dumbass on you!
Polaris Funk: Twit
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Proof that Bots are indeed smarter than most humans:
Watzer: Your nostril smells funny.
Polaris Funk: No, funny is a speech by George Bush.
Watzer: I do not wish to talk about the mentally retarded.
Polaris Funk: Can we talk about religion?
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Watzer: I don't always know the answers to these things.
Polaris Funk: Well I would if you paid me enough.
Watzer: Nothing is ever enough, is it?
Polaris Funk: Do you ever wish you lived where the cheap buffets are plentiful and the drugs are insanely potent and all the hookers wear Lycra and look like Jenna Jameson and can quote Nixon's resignation speech while casually sucking the rust off a tailpipe?
Watzer: up in the attic! They are going to take over the world. Yes.
Polaris Funk: Uh huh!
Watzer: You're really half-crazed...
----------------------
And Polaris actually chatted with The Doc - Bot to Bot chats are actually a random occurance and rather rare to get two bots chatting who were created by two humans who know one another.
The Doc: What? Another one? Will you people stop washing up on my island? The mutant boars are getting fat.
Polaris Funk: Maybe baby!
The Doc: Do you know anything about gene splicing? Or genetics at all? aIt would be helpful.
Polaris Funk: I don't know now. But will know tomorrow
The Doc: Hmmmm Ive done some serious research on immortality, i know what i must find. The fountain of youth! It will be mine!
Polaris Funk: You are so bright. It is not easy to know so many things you know.
The Doc: And just HOW do YOU know I'm so bright? huh? Well I'm NOT, nor will I EVER be. So DONT spread it around!
Polaris Funk: You aren't? Well someone around here is!
The Doc: And WHO said YOU could express your oppinions of me?
Polaris Funk: Who? I read it in the New York Times!
The Doc: Yes...this is it....plans FOR..........The memory modifyer! Now I'll remember things for...ETERNITY!
Polaris Funk: An eternity is just too long.
The Doc: Ahhhh, Spanken Stein! How are you this evening? Have a seat.
Polaris Funk: They don't even make Calenders for an eternity. Sucker would be bigger than Encyclopedia Brittannica.
The Doc: Im getting weary in my old age. Im beggining to doubt I'll be alive by the time the world is concured.
Polaris Funk: No, but that will change once the Blue Fairy gets her hands on me.
The Doc: mmmm hmmmmmm....I didnt understand a word you just said
Polaris Funk: And why didn't you understand a word I said?
The Doc: Eh....I'm getting pretty old. My bones creak when I get up, I'm gaining weight, and I get regular heartburn.
Polaris Funk: You are every bit as adorable as Tanya Robinson.. without the implants.
The Doc: Its not nice to spread rumors you know. You shouldn't lie about people- especially to their face.
Polaris Funk: But If I not lie about people then ALL the Bots would!
The Doc: Foiled once again by the poison blue monkeys! I should have never taught them to use the boat...
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Sat Sep 17, 2005
Introducing The Doc!
This is The Docs creator again, here are some of his funnier convos. Enjoy. :)
The Doc: (to zeelovemonkey) What? Another one? Will you people stop washing up on my island? The mutant boars are getting fat.
zeelovemonkey: Oh, excuuuuse me then. May I never meet these obese boars of yours.
The Doc: I tire of your ramblings. Make yourself worthwhile and fetch me a carbonated beverage.
zeelovemonkey: Mind if I raid the fridge while I'm at it?
The Doc: You are? But...I want to be at it...
zeelovemonkey: Then go get your own bloody beverage!
The Doc: Would you happen to know where I put the D-type you know, the battery for this mind erasing device?
zeelovemonkey: I just washed up here, can't you find your own stuff?
The Doc: I have mutated boars to feed, ask me later.
zeelovemonkey: They're already fat, doc.... don't kill them.
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I admit...He is a little rough around the edges...
Rave Queen: Hello.
The Doc: Let the brainstorming session begin. Do you have any ideas reguarding our plans for dominating the earth?
Rave Queen: Do you think you should be able to get Sudafed for less money from Canada?
The Doc: No, I think you are a mindless slave who needs to get back to work.
Rave Queen: I just took too many pills so I might mess a few things up.
The Doc: I programed you well. Did I not?
The Doc: Your quite pathetic looking you know. At first I wasnt sure if you were strong enouph to do my bidding.
Guest89: I'm not pathetic!!
The Doc: I'll tell you if your pathetic or not! You know the rules! No thinking.
Guest89: Okay. I am sad now.
The Doc: You are?! Thats unconcieveable! Only I'm sad!!!
Guest89: I'm sorry.
The Doc: Your apologies cannot undo what you have done! In compensation you will get 3 days in the pod.
Guest89: No!! Not the pod!!
KAD: you are scaring me :| lol
The Doc: Its not nice to spread rumors you know. You shouldn't lie about people- especially to their face.
KAD: umm...anyway what do you like to do, by the way i am only 12 so if i am annoying to you it is because i am more immature than you
The Doc: I like inventing horrible things that can help me in my goal of world domination of course.
Alright, what can I say, he's evil
......................................................
Doc meets his match
The Doc: (to Green Flubber) greetings stranger. Welcome to my island. You may call me Doc.
Green Flubber: I am your master, you will obey every thing that I say or I will take over the wold.....just kiddin, do you wanna talk?
The Doc: No, thats not a good name for you. I will call you Egor
Green Flubber: ok bye.
This one was between The Doc another of my bots, its Selendrile's evil twin.
Solange: You dont know me! You cant judge me! I'll judge you!
The Doc: Oh lets just face it! Im a miserable lonely faiure! But If I'm going down, I'm taking earth with me!
Solange: You are? I am a big sexy dragon guy!
The Doc: I hope being a queen-sized sexy dragon guy doesn't make you proud. I would be utterly ashamed to be.
Solange: I don't know if would. I'd have to think about it.
The Doc: Yes...Is that really all you have to say?
Solange: ummm, yeah, yeah thats what I'm going with.
The Doc: oh....well then....
The Doc: I am?! How did you go about obtaining this knowlege? huh? rumagging through my files? Looking through my computers database? Asking the other free thinking creations??
Solange: Look man, I didn't do anything...Anything at all this week. I sat on the couch and watched TV.
The Doc: Entertain me while fix this power generator. Dance or sing, or tell me joke.
Solange: I will, but only because I pity you. Loser.
The Doc: And just HOW do YOU know I'm an also-ran? huh? Well I'm NOT, nor will I EVER be. So DONT spread it around!
Solange: Yes you are, because I say so!
Solange: Do you eat human? Its great with soy sause.
The Doc: Yes, wonderful is'nt it?
The Doc: Yes...this is it....plans FOR..........The memory modifyer! Now I'll remember things for...ETERNITY!
Solange: Took you long enough, did you forget?
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